Tuesday, July 25, 2006

We did it!



Originally uploaded by pengrin™.
I'm still adjusting to normal sleeping hours... but Pengrin and I did it! We walked about 20 miles overnight, to raise funds and awareness for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

Together, our team of two raised $3220, surpassing our team fundraising goal of $3000. It was very inspiring to see how supportive our friends and coworkers were. It also gave friends and strangers a chance to share their stories of survival or lost loved ones with us. I'm glad it allowed people to open up about something that may have been shrouded by shame, embarrassment, or pain. It made me realize how common depression and mental illness can be.

I learned even more when I volunteered to be a spokesperson, including:

  • Someone dies from suicide every 18 minutes. That means during the night of the walk, it's estimated that about 33 people died from suicide.

  • Someone attempts suicide every minute.

  • Depression is the most common cause of suicide, and it is also the most treatable of all mood disorders.

  • Suicide is the 4th leading cause of death between the ages of 18-65.

More information is available at http://www.afsp.org. It is not too late to contribute to the cause!

For the night of the walk, speakers shared their stories of loss and survival at opening and closing ceremonies. Some had suffered from tragedy recently, while others had been carrying the burden of tragedy for years. Others were still grappling with mental illness and depression.

One speaker at the opening ceremony spoke about surviving a jump from Golden Gate bridge. He had a mental illness, hearing voices and seeing visions that were telling him to jump. Just after he jumped, he realized it was a mistake. Another speaker at the closing ceremonies lost her son. One of the other spokes people also talked to CBS about the astonishment when he lost his much-admired father to suicide. Another spokeswoman broke down as she told us that she lost her husband 9 months ago.

Most, understandably, had difficulty keeping their composure sharing these stories. But it was an encouraging environment, where strangers comforted each other in support of this cause, walking together, sharing stories, and hugging each other for making this event possible.

Symbolic necklaces of different colors were offered to walkers. Each color represented a different kind of reason for supporting the cause. If I remember correctly:

Blue = general support for the cause
Green = personal suffering from depression or mental illness
Purple = Loss of a friend or other relative to suicide
Pink = Loss of a sibling
Red = Loss of a spouse or significant other
Gold = Loss of a parent
White = Loss of a child

I wore blue, green (for depression when I was about 11), and gold (in memory of my mother). Somehow seeing the white necklaces was especially upsetting to me. Some people created their own shirt embellishments to honor their lost loved ones, with printed photos and names. We met one team of walking women, who all had visors with pink baby footprints. Their team spokesperson had endured post-partum depression.

Thanks to global warming, the night was not as cold as it could have been. It was just colder where we started and ended at Crissy Field. But as we walked inland, it was actually very pleasant; almost warm, with a light breeze. We weren't given a map of the route, so we didn't even know where we would be walking. They just had arrows everywhere and assigned crew members at various stops to manage our safety.

Pengrin and I forgot to prepare flashlights, but we were walking with over 1100 people. So we just followed others with flashlights. Another team offered Pengrin a reflector to put on her bag. Some darker parts of the trail were lined with glow-sticks.

We started in the Presidio, then through Richmond, then toward Pacific Heights, through the Marina, Union Street, back toward North Beach, then Chinatown, along the Embarcadero, and finally back to Crissy Field. It was a nice tour of the city. Some parts were surprisingly quiet. Other areas had the nightlife crowd and the usual city riff raff of drunkards.

It was great to walk through the normally overcrowded tourist Fisherman's Wharf when it was totally empty and very dark. And the Ferry building looked lovely at night. I learned that EntreCote restaurant had turned into another Home restaurant on Union Street. And that Pengrin had never been to Bimbo's 365 OR the Palace of Fine Arts, in all her 8+ years of living in SF! So I'll have to take her to a couple shows sometime.

There were about 5 arranged "pit stops" where tents of snacks, water, juice, medical assistance, and port-a-potties were waiting for us. We were encouraged to take breaks, go at an easy pace, and stretch. At midnight we had turkey (and veggie) sandwiches with Sun Chips and fruit.

We were told not to use iPods or music devices or cellphones while walking, for safety reasons. They were right, because I saw a girl distracted by her iPod cross Gough Street on a red light, when cars were coming at her from both directions! Luckily she looked up at the right time and got out of the way.

So it wasn't as grueling as I thought. It probably helped that I trained for about 15 weeks prior. Pengrin took many photos. I just got pretty tired and my feet were finally pretty achy in the final 3 miles or so. So then I just distracted myself from the pain by trying to sing silly walking songs, like "Walk Like an Egyptian," "500 Miles," or Pengrin's favorite, "Sunshine Day" (by the Brady Bunch). Unfortunately my lyric recollection was not so good. (I did better when I tried to remember an Erasure song.)

At the 18th mile, they surprised us with a "Luminaria." They invited people to write notes to their loved ones on paper bags, which they lit up and had us place along the sides of the last mile. I wrote a note to my mother. Pengrin had also recently lost a young friend to a heart attack, so seeing all these bags with touching messages and thinking about the people we lost... we had to share a somber, quiet moment.

At the end, we finished the walk after 5am. The sun hadn't come out yet. My hands were cold, and we were all weary. Everyone was given these funny emergency sleeping bags to warm up. We all looked like giant space burritos, which cheered me up a bit.

On top of that, my wonderful friends, TK, BK, and KP all woke up at the crack of dawn to come out and greet us with team flags at the end of the walk. They already showed up at the beginning, and still they came out for the end too! What a bunch of troopers! They don't even live in SF and they came out to support me (okay, they secretly crashed at my place, but STILL).

When I was a kid, I thought I was worthless. I thought nobody would understand me or my pain. For a while, I had lost all hope. But now I am okay. More than okay. Some days I think I am one of the luckiest people around.

I have my friends and family to thank for that, especially my brother Ted, who guided me through my hardest times. And now I know the value of a strong support group of friends. I know now that even when things are hard, there is a way out. I know that it's important take care of myself and to seek help, and I hope I have given that chance for happiness to others.

Thanks to everyone who supported me on my walk and thanks to the commitment and amazing effort of all the walkers and participants of the Out of the Darkness Overnight walk.

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1 Comments:

Blogger the.nicole.harvey said...

yep, you're pretty much one of the most inspiring people I know. and considering that I've known you for this long, there's a lot I don't know..sunny exteriors are sometimes just that.
proud of you, girl.

9:12 PM  

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