Today I got a really sweet response on a dating service:
"Why is it that no one has scooped you up already?"
But my instinctual response was "Because most men are annoying." No, I didn't actually write that back. I just didn't write back.
I realize there are exceptions, and that's why I have male friends and female friends/relatives in perfectly lovely relationships. But browsing what's available on personal ads on dating services makes me want to kill myself. Well not really, but it certainly doesn't motivate me to date anybody.
Anyway, I am gonna go fix myself up my home version of an Egg veggie Sausage McMuffin sandwich and continue with my less annoying singlehood until someone not so annoying (but rather, hot, inspiring, bright, expressive, and supportive) comes along.
In this age of social media and spurts of information, my ADD has grown and, well, I rarely am in the mood to spout on for paragraphs about stuff anymore.
I suppose I am spending more time nowadays either exploring and absorbing information and inspiration and then making stuff, like this:
You know, less talk, more action!
So I started a tumblr blog that will hopefully be more regularly updated and less wordy. I'm debating whether this will have some redundant posts that I put on Facebook, but I suppose it will be nice for my non-friends who just like my posts. And maybe that will be easier for searching archived posts, because right now Facebook really sucks at that.
And in the rare times I feel like I have more to say, I will come back to this blog. Who knows? I started this blog years ago, just to understand why people blog and how it works. I guess I'm still figuring that out.
I just heard this song by Norah Jones, and I really like it, particularly this part:
But I can’t choose Between a vegan and a pot head So I chose you, because you’re sweet and you give me lots of lovin’ and you eat meat And that’s how you became My only man of the hour
You never lie And you don’t cheat And you don’t have any baggage tied to your forefeet
But what does it mean if he's the Man of the Hour? Does she have a different one for each hour of the day? I can barely handle one.
Meh, I guess I'll go back to drawing those effing butterflies for work. I hate butterflies.
P.S. The tiger dress arrived and fits! Now I think maybe it's not as crazy to wear it out semi-casually as I thought. Unless I'm slowly turning into one of those older ladies that dresses a little kooky. Or did that already happen a long time ago!?
(That's Mandarin and Cantonese for Happy New Year)
It's the year of the tiger, so I found it appropriate to indulge in this ridiculous dress I found on eBay. It hasn't arrived yet, so I hope it fits. And I hope to find an occasion to wear it... Traditionally I think people are supposed to wear new clothes for the occasion, but I don't have anything weather-appropriate that's new for now so instead I am wearing new nail polish.
Or I may head over to East Village and maybe find something else new to wear. And possibly check out firecrackers and food in Chinatown. Hope you all have a healthy and fortuitous new Lunar Year!
I have to apologize for my Facebook friends for the redundancy of this post, but I've decided that while Facebook is great for sharing fun inspiration with friends, it's not great for archiving those links.
So here are a few things that I found to be really amazing creative work recently:
As I was chatting with someone recently, things that are hand-crafted seem especially precious in today's digital age of mass-production. It even seems a little rebellious, which is why I find this artist/designer/crafts-woman so amazing. I don't even know her real name; she's chosen to be anonymous but has branded her work as "Luxirare." She sometimes models her own fashion wares but keeps her face obscured. But what I really love about her site is that she carefully documents her process, which is always the part I wish were more revealed somewhere when I look at creative work that I like.
I first discovered her set of hand-crafted crayons, composed totally of food items. Do you draw with or eat them?? Also as someone who is generally a little sloppy and poor at physical cutting and pasting things together, I find it all a little insane and impressive.
Some of you may remember my foray into baking where I made cakeball pops? Well those seem terribly amateurish when you check out Luxirare's PIE lollipops. She even crafts some amazing and edgy fashion, such as her crazy-tall platform boots.
I discovered this children's book at the MoMA gift shop. The pages are abundant with little animal characters, introducing you to little cultural tidbits of daily life in different countries. PLUS it includes a few pages of STICKERS!!!
I'll have to check out his other children's books as well; it's like a new European version of Richard Scarry (which I adored as a child). You could just stare at these pages over and over just to peruse the details, and I love his retro style. P.S. Drawn! is one of my favorite blogs.
It's artists like this that inspired me to recently buy a set of gouache paints to play with.
But I'm having difficulty focusing on a skill to master; aside from the gouache paints, I've got a Flash animation book on my desk, crochet patterns to invent, tap shoes waiting for their first lesson, and don't forget my DS Chinese lessons! Ohh and right now I need to work out and take a nap. And to draw more stickers that I owe my current freelance client. Damn my ADD.
Speaking of which, don't you miss Ace of Base? Don't judge me. This song got me over my first breakup.
Also I just really love this band, how can you not? So adorable and fun. Also you can download their new album at Amazon for just 5 bucks! Amazing. They also just seem like guys you could hang out with. (I think I especially like the drummer but they've all got their own brand of preppy-cute.)
It's happening! I am now seeing art on a regular basis! Last night I went to First Thursdays in DUMBO to check out a gang of open little galleries. It was a huge variety of things that ranged from abstract paintings to digital projections and tilt-shift photography.
There wasn't as much that I personally thought was great art, but it was just fun to explore, and I joined up with a new (and okay, cute) friend who was really great to converse with about making art and what we liked or didn't like about different types of art. Although, I realized toward the end that we probably missed out on some amazing people-watching, so I will try to take advantage of that next time I go.
We topped off the night with pizza at Grimaldi's (finally!) and a random goth-industrial-electronic music show, at which they played ridiculous 90s dance hits such as "Rhythm is a Dancer" in between bands. Surprisingly the crowd really loved the dance music and bopped around like crazy. I must admit that I got really excited when I recognized an Ace of Base song. Of course, later a girl was dancing and rammed her elbow into my beer bottle as I was drinking. I tried to check if my tooth was chipped by feeling around it but it was already chipped so I couldn't tell! (It was fine, thank goodness)
Someone handed my friend a huge flaming blunt? Or was it a cigar? (I don't know, I'm too straightedge for this) which I dubbed the Hipster Olympic torch. I'm talking awkward '80s frames, sawed-off haircuts and unflattering clothes all over the place. (Also looking around at this crowd made me think I was strangely fat but I didn't really want to be that skinny either.)
I was not as crazy about the neon surrealist art at Joshua Liner this time; I think it was generally all a bit too flat and the compositions were too scattered for my taste. But I loved the stuff at Jonathan Levine. The first time I went, it was Audrey Kawasaki, who had sold out of all her pieces. She does ethereal sort of erotic and very pretty female figures drawn on wood.
A week later, I returned to the same gallery with my roommate, when she wanted to see Saelee Oh's cut-paper and painted art. There was another painter called Doze Green who did large, colorful paintings that had a mix of various religious symbols and totem-inspired idol imagery. But I was most excited by Josh Keyes' work. Josh Keyes is this amazing surrealist painter who uses realist painting techniques and focuses on ecological themes.
I was admiring one of his immaculate paintings and said, "This guy must be really anal," but I didn't mean it in a bad way. Of course then I realized that he was standing behind me and then I felt like a complete jackass. But I have a feeling he wasn't too worried because I think he was getting lots of attention.
At the Opera Gallery in Soho, there was a theme of subversively cute portraits of cartoonishly giant baby-like heads. Maybe a bit Yoshitomo Nara-esque, but I love that stuff. Kathie Olivas did these rich oil paintings of children dressed in animal-suits, chewing on tentacles, with really lovely layers of highlights. Brandt Peters does these goth-looking vampy caricatures playing with skulls.
And there was an amusing pop artist called Mr. Brainwash who did some enormous Warhol-esque paint/printing over collage of famous faces and posterized images of celebrities formed from cutouts of vinyl records.
But the artist I found to be surprisingly impressive was an artist named John John Jesse. He paints these amazingly intricate and romantic portraits of gorgeous, half-nude punk rock, dangerous looking girls, surrounded by wonderful knickknacks, all rendered in brilliantly sharp focus. And I love how he sometimes used a sort of exaggerated perspective. Plus he uses a complex mix of spray paint, ink and oil on wood, all highlighted in gleaming sparkles. Very mesmerizing and beautifully framed.
The other side effect of all this art and a constantly growing collection of karaoke- enthusiastic friends is that my frequency of drinking has spiked this month. I have learned from my New Year's Eve debacle(s) and at least now I don't get too tipsy. But then again I'm not that young anymore, so I should probably take it easy and get back to some crocheting and learning Chinese on my Nintendo DS like a nice little old lady.
I got out of work today, so I could get some errands done (like laundry) that I couldn't get done last weekend... because I spontaneously sprained my foot... while sleeping!? Yeah. Maybe it's because I fell behind on my One-a-Day vitamins? Or age? I may look young on the outside, but my insides are telling me otherwise.
Well the other reason I got out of work was so I could stay out late last night, to see one of my favorite artists, Jon Burgerman, who was performing a gig in his goofy little band, Anxieteam, before he flew off again to yet another foreign country (this time Norway).
Here's a portrait of me that he and his bandmate, Jim Avignon did of me on a Cintiq (computer tablet): I probably live an enviable life, in NYC, making a living drawing stickers and toys. But he makes a living off of beautifully improvised and even witty pop-doodle art that is all accredited to himself. Well, he also does commissioned work for products (toys, sneakers, and the like), but usually he gets free creative reign, free of corporate branding constraints. And he gets to travel the world to show his work and meet other wonderfully creative and interesting people.
I never really envy others much, but I do envy and admire his career direction and ability to retain ownership of his work. –Especially on work days when I casually try to slip in a funny sticker design that says "Superstud" and then am told that Walmart moms are not going to buy that for their sons.
Hey I get it, boss-man, at least I filtered out "Bitchin'" and "WTF". So I continue designing what is good and safe (aka sometimes boring) for kids. (Unfortunately the whole mass-market toy industry is largely controlled by Walmart.)
So I'm testing the waters, splitting weekdays between working for a toy company and spending time on myself and developing my own thing. I suppose it's risky to not go for a stable weekday job, but I did that for 8 years. Usually great things require some level of risk. Now I feel lucky enough to afford that risk, and I feel I owe it to myself to at least try. (Managing my poor attention span and focusing my various creative interests is another thing.)
It's no secret now that I have a crush on Jon, aside from his whole talented artist thing. I tried to deny it at first, because he is so bug-eyed, vegetarian, and geographically inconvenient. But he happens to be a surprisingly humble, awkward, goofy, self-effacing, mumbly, kind, and very amusing Brit who openly sings off-key while playing the ukulele. With a head full of dark hair. Basically, ADORABLE.
While he's possibly the only bearded vegetarian I would ever want to date, he's not really datable. He lives for doing what he loves, which is to have free range to doodle and paint. But he's never in one place for very long. Well I'm just glad he'll be back in NY again someday and I can smother him with hugs again every time he leaves. I hope he remembers that we are supposed to karaoke and tap dance next time he's back.
But what does that mean for human companionship for a world-traveling artist? I suppose for the more brazen, charismatic types (a la Vicky Cristina Barcelona), they recklessly find romance... but maybe others fail trying, while others just don't bother?
Maybe for some, it's enough to do art and music freely and that becomes their love. I mean, if I had to choose between succeeding in art/music and succeeding at a sustaining relationship... I think that would be a toss-up. Maybe lately, more toward the art. Both ways you get what you truly love... but does anyone really get both? We can't all be John Lennon, and besides I want to live longer for whatever reason.
Which leads me to consider my own singlehood. Strangely, that urge to be a mom hasn't quite kicked in yet. I suppose if pregnancy miraculously happens within the next 5 or so years, then okay (I will probably panic) but if not, I think I'll be okay too. I have my worries about being a responsible mom anyway, and I am probably a little bit scarred from a dysfunctional childhood that I am afraid of repeating for another poor soul that would come out of my womb.
My solution to the worry of later regretting not having a child is either adopting a child, OR in a few years, offering an attractive, domestic gay couple to be their child's surrogate mother and then be the Godmother who is secretly the real biological mom. Attention gay friends, hit me up. :)
So I go on dates, but mostly when I go, I feel like I go on them just to have ridiculous stories to tell you, and to confirm that I am happier by myself (well, myself plus all of my inspiring friends who keep me company when our schedules allow for it. Or when Facebook tells me what's on your mind).
Like the time I went on a date with someone who was depressed after watching "Up in the Air". As I tried to comfort him with hot chocolate dessert, I noticed that my date was wearing a BANGLE. And some big-ass ring. –While I was dressed like Ellen DeGeneres without any jewelry on, making me feel entirely butch, which was really strange. I would have made fun of him but he was already so sad already, that I refrained from telling him and saved it for Facebook updates and blogging.
I did try to be open-minded recently and went on a date with someone seven years my junior. He was really amusing but red-headed (just not my thing) and a little too crazy and high-energy. I had a nice time but eventually had to explain why it was bad that I was too old for him. At one point, he said, "I get lonely too..." when he was trying to encourage me otherwise. My response was, "I don't really get lonely. I like being by myself." I didn't mean to offend him, it was the truth. He was obviously the sort that needed a lot of attention, and I am not. He succumbed and realized that I am not the desperate cougar that he hoped I was.
You know that line in the movie, "Up in the Air," about the favorite memories usually involving being with someone else? Clooney's character said this to talk someone into getting married. But he was just improvising to save his sister's wedding. That was not a persuasive scene to me, because I have had some great times all by myself. That sounds a bit narcissistic, but oh well.
Luckily in New York, being out by myself seems all the more acceptable. I went to a concert by myself for the first time last Saturday, and I loved it. I didn't have to worry if someone else I brought wasn't enjoying it. (Although I don't know why they wouldn't; it was freakin' Nouvelle Vague.)
So then I went to the Anxieteam show by myself, and that was nice because I felt more available to just experience it and maybe meet new people without worrying about someone else. And this way I would meet more people that like the same things I like.
I guess usually I'm a little standoffish and guarded with strangers because sometimes you meet someone you don't really care to hang out with. I suppose I'm still figuring how to politely get out of those situations. Is there really any good way out of it? Somebody please let me know.
I was eating a red velvet cupcake at the Anxieteam show, for example, and a fellow asked me if it was a bacon cupcake. I stopped mid-bite and looked up at him and said, "There are BACON CUPCAKES!??" and he was just kidding about it but I was serious and thus disappointed. He thought that was hilarious and then apologized.
Then we talked about how he used to be a vegan while I proceeded to stuff my face and he handed me napkins because I was making a disgusting mess with the delicious non-vegan cupcake.
But also it turned out that he runs a tiny art space out in some boony-town part of Greenpoint, Brooklyn and then I realized it was the SAME random place that my roommate dragged me out to two weekends ago for a never-ending comedy show! I was so weirded out by this, that I punched him in the arm (like Elaine from Seinfeld). And eventually he asked for my number. (Again, very nice to chat with but probably not boyfriend material, not with his 70s mustache. YES, I have my superficial moments.)
Last Sunday, when I spontaneously sprained my foot, I had to postpone a first date with someone new. So I took it as some cosmic sign telling me that the date wasn't a big deal. (Or maybe it was a higher being handicapping me from going back to Urban Outfitters to buy the 5 things I was eyeing the day before.)
The other thing is that there's a 50:50 likelihood that I might move to L.A. within a year or less. So is it even a good idea to fall in love with someone before I make that decision? But who knows really what will happen, and how can I plan ANY of this, really?
(Also I need to stop being attracted to people who live nowhere near NYC. That seems to happen to me on a regular basis.)
So my plan this year is to focus on my personal projects, be more open to meeting new people when I'm out exploring the city, get some exercise, take my vitamins, buy more organic, and go on some dates if anything just for the stories to tell. And to tap dance.
