Monday, February 28, 2005

Happy-Sad Monday

Sad Monday thoughts:
A condo in downtown Palo Alto is 1.5 meellion dollars.
Design documentation is for obsessed psychos.
I still can't find my 2nd and 3rd volumes of Lemony Snicket and my two favorite umbrellas.
Pear Gorgonzola pizza for lunch is not as good as it had seemed.
Jef Raskin, inventor of the Mac, died at 61.

Happy Monday thoughts:
It's actually sunny today instead of rainy.
I love driving my vw bug to work!
Flexible work hours = sleeping in when needed.
Sugar Ray (yes, the band with the unusually handsome frontman, Mark McGrath, who now hosts Extra) is going to play this Wednesday, on campus, for the Yahoo! 10th Anniversary Party. Woo!

If you should drown your sorrows or celebrate with a bottle of bad vodka, here's how you can turn it into good vodka.

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My Oscar Recap

I have missed the Oscars the last couple of years because I was on a plane both times. But this year I got to watch it. Here are my reactions:

Fashion:

People are dressing better! I didn't see any horrific outfits. Even Natalie Portman and Drew Barrymore, who normally pick random outfits for these awards, showed up in flattering and classy dresses. Even though Hilary Swank's all-black, super-low back seemed to draw the greatest response, I think Cate Blanchett looked the prettiest. And Beyonce, Penelope Cruz, and Salma Hayek always look hot. Anyone notice that Emmy Rossum's dress looked a bit much like Renee Zellweger's? Everyone had the slim bodice with poofy fish-tail style dress. And there was a lot of satiny gold and yellow. If unoriginal, at least it was pretty.

On the winners:

Yay for The Incredibles winning best animated film! I'd say it was one of the best films of the year, if not the best. (Not that Shrek 2 wasn't excellent, but Shrek 2 already earned the most money, so I don't think they're crying too much.)

I wished Eternal Sunshine got more nominations. So I was glad to see Charlie Kaufmann win for writing.

I wished Cate Blanchett won the year that Gwyneth took Best Actress for Shakespeare in Love, so I'm glad Cate won Best Supporting Actresses for The Aviator.

Everyone knew who would win for Best Actor and Actress, so that was no surprise.

Clint Eastwood, seriously, is the MAN! --Even though I haven't seen his last two Oscar-winning films. Actually, I don't think I've seen any of his films. I'm sure they're good, but I don't think I'm manly enough for them.

I think when more than one person gets to accept an award, they should each get a chance to speak! Damned orchestra.

On the show presentation:

I liked the use of the Kodak theater stage floor and overhanging screens. I also liked the efficiency of presenting some of the "smaller" categories, while giving the nominees more screen-time by having them all sit or sand together (like beauty pageant runner-ups) while the nominees are listed.

Chris Rock: funny, kept it real with the insults, but also kept the show moving! However I still want to see Ellen DeGeneres host the Oscars someday.

Babs! If you forgot your glasses to present the best picture category, maybe you should tell Dustin Hoffman before you get onstage!

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Monday, February 14, 2005

Just on a Sunday Morning Sex Tour

I was just plugging away at work one day, when a Mail alert popped up on my screen with the subject, "Valentine's Day Sex Tour"!

Slightly embarrassed, in my shared cubicle, I immediately shut the alert. Then I checked my mail, hoping my manager wasn't peeping over my shoulder at this oddly lewd subject in my mail inbox.

No, it wasn't spam; it was a confirmation forwarded from my boyfriend, for our reservation at the annually sold-out Valentine event at the San Francisco Zoo!

I wasn't sure what to expect, but luckily it wasn't live animal porn. We showed up at the zoo at 10am Sunday morning, to find a crowd of bundled up couples (mostly older, as you have to be 21+ to go on this tour).

Everyone wore a heart sticker and got on the sex tram (not to be confused with the more innocent choo-choo train ride alternative). Todd and I sat in front, right behind the tour guide, an eccentric older lady. She had a raspy low voice and big crazy sunglasses. An attractive gay male couple showed up late and sat next to the exuberant tour guide, who greets them with "Why hel-LO, boyyys!"

As we started to roll off, passing parents with their little angels in strollers, our tour guide rambled about how she prefers to call vaginas "pooters" and the varieties of genitalia in the animal kingdom. She assured us that they send other zoo folks in another car ahead of us to warn innocent families of the lewd-mobile approaching them.

And then I realize how quintessentially San Franciscan this little adventure is.

I don't want to give too much away, so that you can enjoy this trip yourself some day, but here are some highlights:

She tells us of a story on how a baby giraffe has to fall several feet when it's born. So when they had a pregnant giraffe, the zookeepers lined the giraffe space with cushioning to catch the baby when it falls out. But when the baby came out, it was blue and not breathing! Apparently it needs to hit the ground hard to get a good push to breathe! So the zookeepers had to rush in and start whacking the baby on the floor to get it breathing.

The origin of this tour began years ago, when this penguin zookeeper noticed that the penguins tend to hang out as couples right around Valentine's Day. Since then, on Valentine's Day, they play Johnny Mathis and litter Valentine hearts all over the penguin space, which the penguins then carry around to adorn their love nests.

They have a group of emperor monkeys, who have long crazy white mustaches that resemble wise old kung fu teachers in movies.


The tour guide adoringly shows us a millipede and admires how it has 2 penises that actually also function as legs.

We see a chimpanzee angrily swing his arms side-to-side, anime-style, and then fling poo, which nearly hits our tour guide.

At the end of the tour, there is a pop quiz, for which you get a prize for answering any questions correctly. One of the questions was, "What animal, once it loses a testicle, cannot have intercourse for 15 days?" At which a woman yells out, "My boyfriend!" The referenced boyfriend promptly hid his face under his jacket. Ahh, romance. The tour guide gave the couple a prize out of pity.

After all is done, you don't get a real meal, but there is a "mashed potato bar" and champagne, mimosas, and various chocolates and sweets. On your way out, they hand you sour pucker candy lips and a beanie animal as a souvenir of your sordid little animal sex tour.

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Monday, February 07, 2005

Screw the SuperBowl, it's time for PUPPIES!

Call me un-American, but I have never been a big sports fan. I don't find large oafy men ramming into each other very appealing.

So on Superbowl Sunday, while channel-surfing through the deluge of sports coverage, I paused on an image of cute puppies. (Yes, I accept the fact that I am helplessly drawn to small cute furry things.)

High-energy trumpet music played, while maybe 20 puppies were hanging out in a dog-pen, made to look like a miniature football field. A water bowl was placed at each goal post, and rawhide treats and football toys were strewn about the miniature field.

So I watched, waiting for the punchline. They kept switching cameras to different angles of the mini-field -- from the water-bowl cam, to the sideline-cam, to the overhead cam, of these puppies, just running around, sniffing, chewing, playing, peeing, pooping, even licking at the PEE!

Periodically a teeny promo would pop up at the bottom advertising a DVD of this "Puppy Bowl" for $9.95! I was puzzled. If they are suggesting that people would pay for this, surely something else must happen.

I finally gave up and switched to the Queer Eye marathon on Bravo. Out of curiosity, a few hours later, I checked back on Animal Planet, and the Puppy Bowl was STILL ON. Don't believe it? Here's a sample video. You can still order the DVD. Knock yourself out.

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Amanda brings out the "Good Vibrations"

Not surprisingly, the theater critics dislike this continuing new trend of "jukebox musicals," such as Mamma Mia and Movin' Out, which are based on nostalgic pop songs. But luckily this reaction hasn't hurt the success of any of these shows.

Despite the bummer reviews for Good Vibrations, a few of them did point out Amanda as an attractive standout in the cast. This entertainment guide says, "Amanda Kloots, a tall looker as the Bikini Girl, gives the show’s title a good name." Even the Wall Street Journal review calls out the "tall cheery blonde in the blue top" as a highlight.

I believe we are witnessing a rising star! :D

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