Enter the Nugget Challenge

What do you think of, when you hear the word "nugget"?

Recently, BK forwarded me this awesome little nugget: urban dictionary's definition of nugget.

What comes to my mind, are those delightfully golden-battered bits of rubbery ground chicken from Mickey D's that I used to affectionately eat, in my childhood days. Or golden nuggets. Basically I think of horrible fast food or gobs of material wealth. (What does that say about me?)

But the urban dictionary lists six pages of suggested slang definitions, ALL of which are hilarious, and so I have to accept that it is the best word ever.

The word has such a vast range between positive and negative meanings, including a tough-durable guy (See #51), an extremely attractive female (#53), a fat person (#7), a bizarrely elaborate prank I've never heard of (see #3), a nice booty (#30), and of course, various forms of feces. It's a very flexible form of slang, much like the F-word, but much cuter!

The #1 definition, though probably least used, is the best. With so many definitions, it becomes kind of confusing! It's like smurf-language, where the meaning of "smurf" has to be determined contextually.

And then I did an image search for "nugget" --which was equally strange in the range of results. When I switched it to "chicken nugget," Yahoo beat Google for giving me the great little angsty-nugget image you see above.

As I blog this, I feel this is only going to make it harder for people to believe that I have never in my life, smoked pot (unless you count getting a second-hand high at that Black-Eyed Peas concert). Nope, not even a good nugget (#2). But obviously, I have enough giggles, food cravings, and odd thoughts to do without.

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So I offer you, my readers, The Nugget Challenge. No, I am not going to see who can break the record for sneakily turning backpacks inside out (again, #3).

I'm holding a creative writing contest. I challenge you to write a whole story that uses as many of the urban dictionary definitions of "nugget" as possible. If I get at least 3 submissions, I'll reward the winner with something awesome from my stash of stuff (since I have to purge my items) before I leave for NYC. OR, I'll create illustrations for the story. I might publish it here or make a little zine out of it. Or pitch it to a movie producer. We'll share in the riches.

I am the judge. I might recruit others to judge too if I feel like it.

For now, I'll pick an arbitrary deadline, like, oh... June 30. Since I'll be unemployed by then, I should have more time to read these wonderful nuggets of creativity, hopefully while I'm traipsing around somewhere fantastic, like Italy, Spain, Costa Rica or the French Riviera. Here are some rough guidelines:

1. Fit it within 1-10 pages. If it's written like a screenplay... I'll say 30 pages max.
2. Include your contact info, name or pseudonym, favorite definition of nugget, and email it it to me.
3. Use at least 35 of the definitions (and mark them within the document, referencing the # definition from Urban Dictionary)

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On a totally unrelated note, I just watched CSI:NY, and I feel like it was some kind of bizarrely veiled attempt to show that environmentalists are totally insane (some extremist eco-dude killed a chef for attacking a precious cockroach).

And I hate to say this, but my darling Detective Danny Messer needs to stop saying "Boom!" It's like his New York version of a Sherlock Holmes "Aha," except it's getting on my nerves. And really, what is he doing with that putzy Lindsay chick when he could be with ME???

I might have to transfer my CSI crush to Dr. Sheldon Hawkes, dorky forensics scientist Adam Ross, or melodramatic Detective Don Flack. Oh, decisions, decisions...