Goodbye, hearts!

When I look down the hall from my apartment door, it's so stark, plain, and empty, it reminds me of The Shining. If I stare at it too long, I think about blood flooding down the walls.

I live in a big Spanish Mission-style apartment complex, with lovely palm trees in the gated outdoor entrance. It reminds me of apartments in West L.A. It even has a pool! But unlike the usual romance of a San Francisco Victorian house, big apartment complexes mean that everything inside looks pretty generic: white walls, brown doors, brown carpet. I accept this, because it's temporary living, and it also means it's easier for upkeep.

So in February, as I shopped at Target, (the happiest place on earth) I saw one of those straw doormat with multi-colored hearts. It was so cute, I couldn't resist. It was made for Valentine's Day, but for me, that was going to be my year-round doormat. Plus, it would keep the dirt off my carpet! I vaguely remembered something in my lease about not having anything out in the halls, but I figured I could at least try. If they tell me to move it, I could just move it inside.

Nobody told me to move it, so I kept it around. One annoying part was when they came to vacuum the halls. Periodically I'd come home to find the doormat in front of someone else's door. Either the vacuumer would toss it out of the way and forget where it went, or he was trying to f*** with me. Or some gloomy neighbor who was probably disgusted by rainbow hearts was trying to squelch the one sign of happiness on our floor.

But other than that, the doormat was great, because when friends came up to my floor, they could easily spot which door was mine. And when I came home from work, it cheerfully welcomed me back home.

Then I left for a New York trip. When I returned, the doormat was gone. I looked up and down the hall. It wasn't placed by anyone else's door. Did someone throw it out? How could someone do that?? How rude!

Tater said, "Someone stole your hearts!?"

Since I've lived in San Francisco, I've dodged gunfire, my friends have been egged, and my stuff keeps getting stolen. And it hasn't even been a year. If I can put up with this, high rent, crappy parking, and rude drunkards, I might as well move to New York.